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Use your intuition to guard your boundaries

Use your intuition to guard your boundaries


We all have internal guides that tell us when something isn’t right or a good fit for us.

We *know* when something triggers our warning bells and when we need to adjust course. Often, we just fail to heed the message or change direction before it’s too late…

I’m not talking about the fear you have when you’re doing something for the first time — like moving to a new city, starting a new job or going on a blind date. These are the jitters that are natural when you’re doing something new because you’re uncertain of the terrain.

Neither am I talking about the fear that *others* try to instill in you because you’re moving outside THEIR comfort zone. This type of "warning" is the kind of thing that often comes from our family or loved ones who mean well and don’t want us to get hurt. However, their nay-saying can keep us from taking the very risks we need to in order to continue growing.

Rather, I’m talking about the inner "voice" — or simply a feeling in your body (a tightness in your chest, tingling on your skin, or discomfort in your belly) — that tells you when something or someone is getting too close to your boundaries and you need to say, "Stop!"

This can happen at our job when someone asks us to "cover" for them, tells us what we should/shouldn’t report to our supervisor, or tells us not to apply for the promotion. At those times, we may feel that sensation that alerts us to the fact that someone is trying to cross the line that will keep us from being authentic, whole and in line with our integrity.

This can also happen with our children, when we are advised at 10 p.m. that they "need" something for their science project, a snack for 12 other kids, or help with their homework for the next morning. Perhaps our older children want to borrow money we don’t have, or don’t do something they’ve promised to do.

Additionally, in our community life, our boundaries can be pushed when we’re asked to take on one more committee project, sit on another non-profit board, or coordinate an event.

Our families — and particularly our mamis — can push our boundaries by questioning our romantic choices, our career choices, and why we didn’t show up to tia’s for dinner last Tuesday night.

And finally, in our romantic relations, our desires around time for play and rest, our desire for intimacy or just a need to talk and connect with our partners can be boundaries we need to guard and be more transparent about.

You have the knowledge, mujer, about what’s right for you and when.

You can cultivate the skill of learning to recognize the signs when people are getting too close to your boundaries and learn to push back when they’re about to be crossed instead of waiting until an entire army is on the other side!

The more you trust yourself, the more you’ll be able to determine how to gracefully maneuver a situation when someone is about to ask you to do something you’re not comfortable with. "Oh, gosh, I really appreciate the faith and trust you have in me to make this request. However, I can’t take on that commitment at this time."

You know what’s right for you. Trust your internal voice. Trust your sensations when others are getting too close to your boundaries and guard them.

Don’t let OTHERS tell you what your boundaries "should" be or where they are for others. Rather, you find them and mark them for yourself. This is one of the characteristics of a Powerful Latina!