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Forgiveness is a release

Use your intuition to guard your boundaries


By Aurelia Flores

Betrayal is not a feeling; it’s a judgment. It’s what you tell yourself about what someone did. The stories we tell ourselves often come up again and again and what’s remarkable is that we have the power to change them.

When someone “betrays” us, we may feel hurt, confused, disappointed, angry and a multitude of other emotions, but to call something “betrayal” is to place a judgment on someone else about what they did and why they did it!

Often when we use a word such as “betrayal” we suggest that the action taken by another person was done specifically AGAINST us, but rarely is an action taken against another person – it’s all done for a person’s internal reasons.

Now, this is not to say that the consequences of someone’s actions may not cause incredible pain for another. And further, an action taken by someone else certainly can change a relationship (see prior posts), but the act someone takes is not about “getting” to someone else.

Think back to all the classic stories where the hero or heroine is in angst because he/she feels the need or desire to do something but is afraid to hurt someone else. Rarely do these stories turn out well because there is no way to “win.”

If we’re so tied to what the consequences will be for another, it’s rarely easy to see what the best outcome is for US. However, if we think about ourselves, and the consequences on our relationships, we will often have a more balanced view. NOTE: I am NOT saying to act purely selfishly, but rather NEITHER to act simply for the benefit of another.

But we all take actions for our own internal reasons and we have to pay the price for how our actions reflect on us as individuals.

Therefore, whether you are the betrayer or the betrayed, the traitor or the victim, we cannot leave this topic without talking about forgiveness. I love the following definition of “forgive” -- To renounce anger or resentment against.

Forgiveness is for US, not the other person. What forgiveness does is allow us to release our judgments about why a person took an action and let go of their hold over our emotions, well-being and peace.

Of course, this doesn’t mean a relationship will go back to how it was before, but if we hold on to the bitterness, the only one it hurts is us. So let go, mujer, of things that may have burned you in the past, and let’s move forward together.

I know that I’ve been on the receiving end of what many people would call “betrayal” in the past, but I no longer have any resentment against these people. Why would I? It would only hurt me. What HELPS me is to heal, and let go.

So, for us Latinas, who tend to have strong relationships, and can sometimes get involved in drama in our personal lives, keep these lessons in mind when talking about La Vendida…

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